Deaf Stories from the Deaf Community
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You can tell us a story about your experiences while growing up.
It can be anything and how you felt about your experiences.
You can leave names, places, etc out of picture to protect your confidentiality.
It is decided on case by case when we receive the postings.
Post away!
=^)
posted by DEAF ADVOCATE | 11:32 AM
15 Comments:
Deaf Southern Belle and her mean old aunt
A long time ago when I was a little girl, my father used to take good care of me. He loved me and he showered me with gifts and helped me learn about my hometown and my family. My mother passed away in my early years.
I lived in the Old South where there were a lot of plantations. I remembered the good times on family plantation where we had reunions and gatherings.
We would have tea parties and socials.
I was a happy girl and I appreciated what my father did to me.
Then he passed away, my aunt took over and took care of me. She was charged with running the family plantation. My father told me that he would give it to me when I was old enough.
Things changed when my aunt took over. I thought she was selfish and mean. She did not follow my father's wishes. She took over the plantation. She did not let me see my friends at home. She turned away many of my friends. I was depressed and lonely.
I was stuck with her for many years. She controlled everything about me. I despised her. I wanted to run away many times.
I liked one guy who went to Deaf school with me.
My aunt refused to let him come and visit me. She did not let me date with him. I was very upset and angry. I was old enough to date.
I was stuck in my room and cried every night. I wished to kill myself few times.
The day finally came when my aunt passed away. I did lose a lot of things. I lost the plantation and home. She was greedy and spent all the money that belonged to me.
I am now wandering on the streets and I am thankful that I have a room at a boarding house. I am sad that I did not have anything left.
I am happy to be free from my mean old aunt. I wish my father had done something right such as appointing someone else to help handle my finances.
The guy that I fell in love with from school had passed away and I did not have chance to be with him. My love life was unhappy and I had no one to love.
I am now in seventies and I am too old to do anything more. I am poor and all alone. I am waiting for the day when I can join my father and mother on the other side.
How can I go back and stop my father from entrusting my aunt to take care of me? It is too late!
I have shed many tears when I think about the mistake my father made. I still cry about every night before I go to sleep.
I pray that I do not wake up the next morning! I am old and tired! I need to go home to my family.
My hearing ex-husband abused me for years!
Back in early 1940's, I was a young woman. I was ready to graduate from Deaf school. I was excited as my family were there and they were proud of me.
I enjoyed school and my friends. I was in love with a Deaf guy. He was so sweet to me. He bought me gifts. We did date many times on weekends away from school.
I always looked forward to seeing him when we are home away from school. I kept his gifts and notes in my hope chest. I hope someday to marry him. He was the love of my life.
He looked dapper and handsome in his suit when he came to my graduation. I was excited and delighted he showed up. He was few years older than me. He had a job. He had a new car and was ready to propose me. I gladly accepted his proposal.
I told the news to my parents. They became upset and were not too happy about it. They did not want me to marry my deaf boyfriend. They told me that there was a hearing man who was a soldier stationed in Europe during World War II.
My world fell apart when they disapproved my deaf boyfriend. I was in shock. I was happy at graduation and then later in the day very sad when my parents rejected my boyfriend.
I had mood swings and was crying so hard. I became depressed. My father tried to tell me it was best for me. He did not think my deaf boyfriend was good enough for me. I got mad at him and told him that I truly loved him. We spent a few years of nice friendship and dating. He inspired me.
Still my parents refused!
When that hearing soldier came home, my parents insisted that I meet him and date him. I told them I was not interested. They got mad at me and threatned to disown me.
I was in shock! My heart was ripped out when they threatened to disown me. I felt like I am nothing to them. They did not even care about my own feelings or my dreams.
I had to break up with my deaf boyfriend and go along with my parents' wishes. It was hell and I did cry now and then when I think about him.
I was not too happy when that hearing soldier came over and had dinner with my parents. All three did all the talking and did not take the time to talk to me. They kept glancing at me and laughed. I asked what was going on. They assured me that everything is alright.
I felt like rebelling, but I did not want to hurt my parents' feelings. I was feeling withdrawn and more isolated.
After dinner, that soldier, took me out for ice cream cone at a local drugstore in town. He looked at me and wrote note. "Hi! I hope you like me". I looked at it and broke down. He may be nice, but something is not right.
I did not respond and was looking out the window. He wrote another note, "hey, do you want to take a walk?" I shook my head and wrote back, " I want to go home!"
He nodded his head and let me go outside to his car. He took me home, but before I could get out of the car. He took me into his arms and tried to put his mouth against mine. I sobbed and I did not want him to be mad at me if I resisted.
I went along and I was hoping to get out of car. No, One thing led to another where he RAPED me!!!! I felt disgusted and awful that he went all the way on the firt night I met him.
I tried to scream, but he had his hand over my mouth and told me to be quiet. It was awful! I was hurting down there and I thought I was bleeding.
The next few months, I had to get married as I got pregnant.
The next 21 years was hell with him when I raised three children and I had to put up with his mean streaks! He beat me up! He went out with other women! He threw his tempers when I did not do anything he demanded me to do. I tried to leave him few times only to be forced back with black eyes and bruises.
I became alcoholic and drowned my sorrows in bottles after bottles for years and years. I put up with mental and physical abuses!
All the time, I thought about my deaf boyfriend from school. I dreamed about him about every night for many years. I used my fantasies about him to cover up my tolerance with that hearing bastard.
I do love my three children, but they remind me of him which I despised. They were grown and left home.
I took the guts to talk to my pastor. I demanded a divorce. I told the paster who knew sign language and I was happy that someone could help me. My parents were deceased so I thought about fighting back.
I got a divorce! I decided to go back to my hometown and see my old friends. I wanted to see my deaf boyfriend.
At a recent school homecoming, I tried to find him and hope to have him back.
I was in shock when I found out that he had passed away years earlier. He died of broken heart. He wanted me and he never married. He spent rest of his life crying into whiskey bottles. He was angry and bitter man.
I felt bad. I am sad. I try to remember the good times I had with my deaf boyfriend. It was so many years ago. I am stuck with living in the past. I just count the days when I can see him again.
Now I spend days with my grandchildren and I try to put on best face to move on. It is very hard! I lost a lot in my life. I wish my parents had respected my wishes back then.
I refuse to see my ex-husband whenever he tried to contact me. I have already issued restraining order to keep him away from me. I refuse to do anything with that bastard!
I felt battered for many years from him! I tell you to stand up for your rights and do not let hearing control you! I regret many times I let them walk over me!
SSB
My child ignored and abused me....
I am a grandmother who has a child and two grandchidren. I married a hearing man, but our marriage did not last long.
I raised my child with my parents' help. My mother passed away and my dad was around to help.
My child married a hearing guy. I was not too happy about him as his attitude was ignorant and rude. I tried to be nice to him.
He was rude to me many times. I ignored him. I focused on my daughter and my dad.
When I found out my dad chose my son-in-law to be executor of family estate, I was upset. I told my dad not to do it. He assured me that everything would be okay. He even showed me a private place to hold his things that would go to me when he passes away.
When my dad passed away, my world fell apart. I had nervous breakdowns from my daughter and her husband's abuses.
It went on for years. I tried to get police, social services and city to intervene. It all came up nothing as they listened to them. They called me a crazy old lady. I was more pissed off and I lost my tempers. I did not know how to handle the situation many times and I end up losing.
I lost my family valuables, my homes and my funds to that bastard. He used legal manuvers to get everything away from me.
When I got sick and had surgeries, he tried to put me into nursing home. He took away my car keys and sold the car that my dad gave to me. A cadillac!
He even took away the keys to my house that my dad gave to me. He changed the deeds and profited from all the sales he made that belong to me.
My daughter had the gall to tell me in my face that I am not welcome in her home and she did not want me to see my darling grandchildren.
I screamed at her and told her that was not how I raised her. I felt like spanking her ass many times for her selfish and rude remarks. I am more embarrassed that she is my daughter.
My health is detoriating everyday as I am depressed. My parents are gone. No one to protect me! No service agency to help protect my rights! No lawyer available as they were ignorant on my rights! No one can help me! It hurts me a lot and my heart is broken.
My daughter and her husband always laugh at me when I try to visit or share my frustrations. They did not even care if I exist.
I am ready to move to another state to get away from those monsters and their abuses.
They keep telling everyone that I am just a crazy old deaf lady. It hurts me deeply!
I wish I can go to eternal sleep, but I just have to be patient and wait for the day to come.
I hope someday to see my grandchildren, but my heart aches when I cannot see them. I am very borken hearted!
Some years ago, I was young man. I wanted to experience my life outside my home. My mom and my sister were always controlling me about where I go and what I do.
I hated that. I wanted to be free. I always fight with them. I wanted to have good time and be with my friends.
I get into many fights with my mom and sister. They are bitches! They had no respect for me.
Then one day, I got home late about 4 a.m. from a party with friends. I had fun and was happy.
But my world changed, when I found my mom and police waiting at front door. I was upset and agitated.
My mom said it was time for me to go to mental hospital. I got upset and refused to do it.
The police jumped on me and handcuffed me. I cried and screamed that they were hurting me. I tried to sign, but was forced to have hands behind my back. I was unable to communicate and I broke down.
My mom told me to shut up and go away! I was in shock and was pissed off at her for trying to hurt me.
The police took me away. I was admitted to a mental hospital.
I spent weeks and weeks stuck with people at mental hospital. It makes the movie " One flew over cuckoo's nest" so tame and silly. The horrors in the mental hospital were too much for me to deal with.
One day a nice deaf social worker came to me and he did realize that I was not needing mental hospital and he suggested that I sign myself out. I did not know that. He said that I am old enough to sign out. I was 19 years old. I did not know that.
I thank him many times for that! I signed myself out and I refused to go home. I lived with friends to share homes for years. I refused to go back home.
I was told by many friends that my rights were violated. I can stand up for my rights.
I am learning to do that! I try to move on and learn to be on my own. I am proud to be deaf and I accept sign language.
I am happy and free man away from those horrors of my mom and sister and the mental hospital.
I moved to another state away from them.
Hi! I found SHOW ME DEAF COMMUNITY interesting. I just graduated from deaf school in another state. I moved down to another state to be with my mom. My dad did not want me so I moved in with my mom. She is trying to help me find job. I do not have much skills. I learned shop work and did some metal and steel stuff. It is hard to find job. I tried asking VR counselor to help me. She is hearing. She does not know sign language. I am frustrated as she has to hire interpreters when we meet. I do not think she understands deaf culture or do anything worthwhile.
I want to work, but no one will hire me. It is same attitude that hearing people interview me. They ask me a lot of questions and were not impressed. I try my best and I want to work. They often say how about phones and communicating with workers. I said use relay and workers can write notes or learn sign language.
They say big NO! They say relay is waste of time and write notes or learn sign language takes up productive time on the company. They did not want to do anything further.
It is sad for me as I do not want to collect social security. I want to make more money! I want to work! They won't let me work!
Nicholas
Sometime ago, I was stopped by police when I was heading home with my wife. The police was rude to me and my wife. I tried to tell them we were deaf. He screamed at me to get out of car. He pulled me out physically from the front seat when I opened the door.
He shook paper in my face about warrant for me for passing a bad check. I tried to explain what happened that my exwife and others wrote my checks. They were stolen. He did not listen to what I was trying to tell him.
He pushed me against the car and went through my pockets. I tried to push him away as I was embarrassed about him touching me. I tried to tell him to get interpreter. He shooked his head and spat in my face.
He then used his baton to hit my back several times and then hit my legs in the back. I was in pain that I fell down to the ground. He pulled me back up and screamed at me. I did not understand what he was saying.
He got mad at me and threw me into the backseat of his car. I told my wife to meet me at the station.
I was put in jail for overnight. They still refused to get interpreter for me. I asked for one and they ignored me.
When I was released from jail the next day, I went to a service agency. They told me that I can file complaint with internal affairs department at the police station.
They instructed me on how to file paperwork. I did learn something. I went back to police station and filed paperwork.
They did some investigation and they dropped charges and put that police officer on probation and was warned. He was sent to sensitivity training.
I still fear police as they are mean and abusers. I did learn something by filing paperwork at Internal Affairs to prevent them from hurting others in future.
It was scary experience for me! My wife and I are thinking of moving to another state to avoid those mean people.
Brett and Maggie
P.S. I have another story and I wait for my wife to finish reading about how family services tried to steal my children.
Many years ago, there was a preacher who was mean and stole money from me and my friends. He lied to people about us needing help and stay with him at his housing program.
He used our money to buy things for his daughter and his wife. He bought new car and many things for his office.
We had to eat lousy food and scrimp on what we have to get clothes, hygiene and entertainment.
He forced us to come to his church, bible study and other programs. He yells at us if we did not do what he says. He beat up some friends when they refused. He did touch women in their private parts. We tried to tell his wife and others. No one believed us.
He always fire people at office and it was a lot of turnovers. He stole money from the state. He mixed up the money from ours and the state for himself.
The day came when a deaf man came to help and he saw all the stuff. We told him about the problems. He went to newspaper, television station and city hall about him.
Then more people start helping us and they saved us from hell with that preacher.
I do not know where he is today and I hope never see him again. It was bad experience for us and I am glad I am ok now. I live in another group home away in another town.
There is a nice preacher here who helps us get what we need or want. I am satisfied for now.
I choose to remain anonymous as I am afraid of that man.
My deaf girlfriend and her parents
I was dating a deaf girlfriend for sometime. I fell in love with her. I thought about marrying her. I talked to her parents.
Guess what? They freaked out and said they prefered that she marry a hearing man.
My world fell flat and I felt ashamed!
I asked them why? They said I was not good enough and that I would not be able to support her.
We got into heated arguments to the point that her father kicked me out of the house. He told me not to ever come back.
That girl went on with her life and married a hearing man. There were few times that I saw her again. I tried to see if she was happy with him. She said that she was not happy, but she was doing that to please her parents!
Ouch! It hurted me inside! She did not understand what true love was and what it meant to me.
I moved on and married a deaf woman. I am ok and happier. I still not forget her. Her parents were the monsters and the most selfish people! Someone told me that she was hitting the bottle. What does that mean? I do not know!
I wish sometimes that they would let me marry her. She was beautiful and I was in love with her.
There was not much that I can do to fix it.
Me, too..this time with hearing girl
I dated hearing girl few years ago. She was nice. I tried to propose her for marriage. She turned me down. She was afraid of deaf babies. We had good sex. I was upset. I broke up with her. Her parents told me straight that they prefer she marry hearing. They did not want deaf grandchildren. I was hurt and shocked.
Why do they have that attitude? I am nice guy and I enjoy life. My family are all deaf too. They feel bad for me and told me to forget her.
It was hard enough for me to stop dating hearing women. I am dating deaf women from now on.
My job and discrimination
Sometime ago, I had a federal job. I came in job same day with a hearing friend who lived next door to me. We share car pool and always have good time chatting and sharing lunches.
After a half year passed, I tried to apply for job in another department. They made excuses.
My neighbor friend got promoted and kept going up the ladder.
I was still stuck in same position. I tried applying for different jobs. Same excuses!
I filed complaint with OPM. They said that I have a handicapped status and that I was to remain in that program. My hearing neighbor did not have that status and was able to move around.
I tried to ask them to let me out of handicapped status and be in regular program. They denied it.
I decided to quit as it was unfair treatment. It is same thing everywhere I worked. They keep denying me advancement or promotion.
It is called attitudinal barriers about how they think and behave towards deaf employees.
My neighbor friend got better raises and more promotions.
I am stuck with collecting social security! I tried to find work and it is same excuse everywhere!
They don't want to bother with deaf people!
I am upset and hurt!
Yes, me too at work - same problem
I work at bank for many years. I am frustrated with my supervisors and management. I work my ass off everyday satisfying them.
I work hard and fast at machines. They love me for it.
One problem? I want interpreters for each staff meeting. They say NO! They dont have time to call for one and they promised to write notes.
I hardly got any notes and only few message like we be off tomorrow and work on another day. God! I have to take my baby to doctor! They fuck up everything I want to do.
One time there was a deaf woman in my department. I was happy to have deaf friend in department. Guess what?
They tell us to shut up and work!! What about them? They gab all day long and do not tell others to shut up. They are paranoid about us using sign language and laugh about what we talk about.
They come up to us and tell us to work and be quiet.
Then one day came, they fired that woman for talking too much. I find it hard to believe!!!!
I told them they can take the job and shove it! I took option to retire early when they downsized the company.
I am happier and stress free from that oppressive environment.
Oh! God! I hate it when hearing people are ignorant and selfish at work. I cried many times at night trying to find ways to improve at work. Nothing worked! They were just mean!
I spend more time with my grandkids and travel.
ADA is a BIG joke! That is my opinion! ADA is nothing as it never help deaf people at work.
I tried to file with equal employment opportunity commission few times. They make excuses and throw my files in DO NOTHING file. I am pissed off at them. They do nothing for deaf! I told them to hire deaf investigator. They refused.
SCREW EEO!
I am fed up with them!
When I was younger, my parents forced me to have operation to get cochlear implant. I tried to tell them that I did not want it.
My parents would cry and say they want me to be hearing. I told them I was fine. I just want to enjoy my life.
They cried and begged me to get one. They promised me the world. I gave in to their demands.
After surgery, my life was a living hell. I hate the sounds. I have vertigo problems every since.
I have headaches all the time! It is so painful!
I am unhappy! I want it removed. Guess what? It will cost another $40,000 to have it removed.
I am so pissed off at my parents. They decided to kick me out because I am angry and bitter.
They did not understand how I feel. I start to hate them and decide not to do any more with them.
I moved to another state and I found a girlfriend who would help me deal with my anger. She is sweet and helpful.
She is sweet and deaf. She went to deaf school and used beautiful sign language. I can sign but I am catching up on more ASL.
I hope to marry her someday!
If I have to say something to deaf friends, I would say dont go through that path. Just think for yourself and IGNORE what they say. No matter!
My psychiarist told me to be "numero uno". He meant for me to think for myself!
I hope to have that darn cochlear implant removed from my head someday. It is a pain in head everyday!
Educational Interpreters? in Mainstream programs
I am Duane. I am unhappy with educational interpreters at public school.
They do not even sign right and they were sloppy. I am upset that they did not pick the ones that use ASL. It is mostly SEE and nothing really!
I told my parents to change IEP to have ASL interpreters three times. They did it. Yet, that school still keep the old interpreters.
I am suffering from their ignorance.
I am thinking of applying for MSSD in Washington DC.
I think educational interpreters are a BIG joke!
There is a need for tougher policy on those interpreters! They seem to run around and tell us what to do. That is conflict of interest!
Grievances against interpreters?
I am frustrated with some interpreters in my area. I tried to file grievances with the local and state. They did not do anything as it fall on deaf ears.
I wonder if it is ok to blacklist them so they cannot get any more work. I am frustrated when I cannot get the ones I like.
Has anyone experienced grievances with interpreters?
Courts refuse to provide interpreter
I am Lee. I am frustrated as the court in my town (rural) refused to provide interpreter when I had court date.
I told them I wanted my favorite interpreter and they did not call her at all.
I had problems undertanding the judge and the lawyers. They used notes to write down. I am uncomfortable as it is hard to understand the notes.
I am waiting for deaf service agency to help me.
It is long wait as they do not have someone to help.
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